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This year signifies a full decade since the phrase “disappearing” entered the common lexicon. Initially, the notion that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a lover without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. How naive we were. In the decade since, navigating toward a mate has only become more bewildering – an frequently fruitless exercise in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by online jargon.

Generation Z, a demographic who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated assault on the rights of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their Gen Y elders could ever imagine. And so their dating glossary has grown more extensive and more deranged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

Below is a comprehensive guide to the phrases gen Z is using to navigate love, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the year’s most viral memes, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – For gen Z, romance's ultimate goal is showing up as your true, unfiltered self. You'll need it with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend inspired by a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s reply is interested or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while radiating enigma and independence. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This signifies choosing someone who supports you proactively. If you entered a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A date where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke young adults do low-cost romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, dumping all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie excess, it describes partners who choose against having children to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of playing it cool: practicing communication, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Signals

• Red flags – Behavioral habits signaling a potential partner is trouble. Examples include calling their exes crazy, subpar tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits confirm your choice to pursue a mate. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe niche, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their purse, paying rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who despises the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing builds closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of silence.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon partner who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally postponing climax so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A trend describing many women's increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and frequently trivial repulsions that immediately shut down any feelings of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful display.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some gen Z desire fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance believable.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {